There is a Chinese proverb which says that it is not good to stay in a place where you are not accepted or welcome. At first sight, this phrase suggests a lack of persistence or courage in human relationships. However, it may be argued that this is not entirely untrue. Why waste time or energy with people who don’t value either resource anyway, since they despise us? Let’s look at some of the reasons why you should make your way in such a situation.
Your time and energy are limited
Since you do not have an unlimited resource of time or energy, it is much wiser to spend it sparingly or at least in areas that are worthwhile to you. When we force ourselves, when we redouble our efforts to be liked, we forget that we could simply go elsewhere because there are people who appreciate us for what we are. Hanging out with people who look down on us or even show a slight form of condescension is not sustainable in the long run. Here are some reasons why:
You lose self-esteem
When you get close to people who secretly hate you, it can gradually lead to a loss of self-love. While it is good to “give a chance” to anyone who has a bad opinion of us in the first place, it is not good to be stubborn about pleasing people. Often the problem is with them, if they can’t improve then they will never see your beauty. To spot if a person is good for you, simply see how you feel in their presence. Do you feel insecure? Do you want to please at all costs? If so, the person you are with probably does not think highly of you. It is not good to flaunt your qualities to try to change people’s minds. Someone who is mature or wise should see your qualities without you having to make a big deal of them.
You are sowing the seeds of doubt
By spending too much time with the wrong people, you end up doubting yourself. Remember that part of our personal image is built in the eyes of others. If you give too many people permission to get to know you intimately by sharing personal aspects of your life, you risk being disrespected because some people might use the knowledge of this information to harm you. It is best to reveal yourself a little at a time, and you need to make sure that people deserve to know more by showing clear signs of respect and understanding. Doubt is good in some cases as it contributes to our humility and self-distancing. But too much doubt destroys us from within like a poison.
You compromise your values
When you give too many values to people who despise you, you close yourself off to the love you could receive from a caring environment. When you seek love or recognition from the ‘wrong’ people, you are actually making a choice to adhere to a new set of values. This is why it is obvious to choose people with whom you have a strong set of shared values. Without this, you risk wandering in search of recognition which ultimately distracts you from the essential.
To be resilient, you have to cultivate self-love
A person is strong and independent when they are able to find their self-worth without resorting to the validation of others. For this, it is true that one must have already benefited from a loving family environment. It is not uncommon to seek credit or recognition in adulthood because of a lack of love at a young age. The problem with this quest is that it robs us of a power that we all possess.
There is no age for true love
If you are not fortunate enough to have received enough love at a young age, you can still make the choice to love virtue and it will love you back. When we make our happiness dependent on people, we become vulnerable. On the other hand, if you can find your happiness through the application of values that define you, you emancipate yourself from this alienating relationship. If you do not yet have a strong loving person in your life, love virtue and it will offer you happiness and self-love when you practice it.
All these explanations make practical sense. One of the most emblematic manifestations is immigration. When you emigrate, you choose to go to a society that is different from you. It is not uncommon not to be well accepted, despite your best efforts. If you see that you cannot change this situation, I would advise you, if you can, to seek a more welcoming society. Of course, there is no place where you will have no problems, but if you make it a priority to live in harmony with the people around you, you have found an essential ingredient for happiness. It would be a shame to miss out on it.
To sum up:
It is better to live with people who do not despise you.
You should always give people a chance to see your true worth, and several times if necessary.
Your time and energy are limited, it is wiser to spend them with people who love you (and whom you love in return, of course).
If you see a real refusal to treat you as an equal despite your best efforts, it is best to look for love elsewhere through the practice of virtue, for example.