When you’re thinking of getting married, you mustn’t define the 1,000 qualities your future partner will possess, or you’ll find yourself alone for the rest of your life. On the contrary, you should define three qualities on which you won’t compromise.
You’re not perfect, so don’t strive for perfection
There’s a fundamental law in the universe called the law of reciprocity: you reap what you sow; you receive what you give; or you meet what you are.
Because of this principle, you can’t meet someone from group A, if you’re from group B. In other words, to meet someone of high quality, you have to become high quality yourself first. If you’ve inadvertently fooled someone into thinking you’re more noble than you really are, sooner or later you’re going to have to pay for this deception in one way or another (premature end of the relationship, etc.).
Be demanding of yourself first
If you want to meet the right person, you first have to be demanding of yourself, as we’ve seen. Next, you need to have a clear idea of the type of person you want to meet by defining 3 non-negotiable criteria. These criteria must be human qualities, not aptitudes or physical qualities, as these are superficial elements.
The 3 criteria you define must be elements that define you, and in a way set out a trajectory for your future.
This trajectory will accompany you for the rest of your life, and you want to surround yourself with a person who will help you achieve your deepest goals. You don’t want this person to keep you from your deepest desires, as this will only generate frustration and anger that will destroy your relationship.
3 Criteria, Why 3?
3 criteria are both sufficient and precise.
Imagine you had 20 human qualities to choose from and could only select three. What do you think the probability of this selection would be? The answer is 6840, which is a large enough number to estimate that it would make an accurate selection of the profile you’re looking for. If you’re too rigid and add criteria, you’ll reduce the chances of meeting this person and you won’t introduce serendipity into your relationship.
Introducing Serendipity Into Your Relationship
Evolution needs randomness, things you can’t control.
What’s more, we often find that by trying to control everything, we end up controlling nothing. That’s why you shouldn’t be too rigid when looking for your other half. We need to agree on the essentials, and then be open to the other person’s differences, which will be a source of richness for us. If we look too much for someone who resembles us, we’ll end up with the extreme case of royal families and the ensuing consanguinity.
The Couple Is A Path
The person you are now will normally be different in 10 years’ time. Your partner is the person who will best accompany you on this journey of transformation. That’s why you need to be open to otherness: your future self will in some way be someone else, so be comfortable with this idea of transformation.
The Foundation And Evolution
In every transformational process, there is a part that remains unchanged.
Your values are precisely the things that shouldn’t change.That said, you’re going to go deeper into putting your values into practice.The more time passes, the more your values will become second nature, which is why you’ll be different from what you are today.In fact, you’ll be a more mature or fulfilled version of who you are now. Time, if well spent, becomes a multiplier of your qualities. If, on the contrary, you waste your existence in vain, the more time passes, the more you’ll decay, the more you’ll become nothing but a shadow of your former self.
To Sum Up:
– Know how to be both tough and flexible like bamboo. Be uncompromising about your values, but flexible about the shape these values take in the people you meet.