Most of us want to meet the right person, but do we really ask ourselves if we are the right person for anyone?
The Law Of Reciprocity
The laws of nature are implacable, and one of them is very precious. It’s called the law of reciprocity, and it states the following: we tend to give what we receive, and as a corollary, the other person tends to offer to compensate for what we’ve given them. When we set out in search of perfect love, we’re actually offering ourselves in exchange for receiving the other person. It’s an exchange of gifts, the difference being that the person is the gift. In the short term, a lack of reciprocity is bearable, but in the long term, the laws of nature are inescapable: a break-up is the only possible outcome when reciprocity is not respected in a couple. What are the signs of a lack of reciprocity? If I had to sum it up in a single expression, it would be a difference in sacrifice. Let’s take a closer look at the dimensions of sacrifice.
The Hold-Up Mentality
The hold-up mentality is perhaps characteristic of our times. It’s one in which people try to conquer someone who has made a great sacrifice and achieved a certain excellence in one or more areas of life without having sacrificed anything themselves. People look for shortcuts and don’t want to pay the right price for something. In short, they prefer to steal. These thieves can take the form of the classic “gold diggers”, or even pickpockets who rely above all on their glibness to achieve their ends. This strategy doesn’t usually get you very far, because it’s based on a form of scam – in other words, a breach of the law of reciprocity. Nobody tolerates someone in their close circle for long who doesn’t have the same high standards and sacrifices.
Self-Preservation Vs. Exploration
Many people wish to explore and enjoy life before “settling down”, hoping to find someone wise and stable, i.e. someone who hasn’t lived the same patachon life during the first period of their life. Essentially, the person wishes to find someone they are not, they wish to welcome someone who has preserved themselves and therefore in some way sacrificed certain dimensions of their life, while not being themselves someone who has made those same sacrifices. There’s an injustice in the transaction, and the exchange won’t be valid for long, because the impostor will soon be unmasked.
Asymmetry Of Sacrifice
For two people to understand each other, there must be mutual recognition of the efforts made. To be able to recognize a sacrifice, you need to have made the same sacrifice yourself over a given period of time, to be able to understand what that sacrifice really means in your flesh. It is often said that a person who has not suffered will not be able to understand someone else’s suffering. In short, we should be glad to have suffered, because it opens the door to understanding the rest of the world. Understanding sacrifice follows the same logic as understanding suffering: you have to have endured it yourself. The asymmetry of sacrifice implies that only one person in the couple has made sacrifices. The result is a lack of understanding of the other. Empathy is, so to speak, the most important ingredient in a relationship. Without shared experience, there can be no empathy. In the long run, the very existence of the couple is called into question.
Becoming The Right Person
To become the right person, you need to move forward with the idea of self-preservation rather than wanting to enjoy everything, all the time. Disciplining yourself to improve your character, mind, body and soul is the way to go if you want to be the right person for your future partner. This can be an adventure you undertake alone if you don’t know anyone around you who is doing the same. Of course, it’s ideal to have someone who can share our journey and support us through the tough times.
Improving Your Character (Your Heart)
– Courage and willpower:
Courage can be developed by getting into the habit of overcoming one’s fears.
Honesty can be improved by getting into the habit of telling the truth, and thus demonstrating courage.
Empathy can be gained easily by traveling or immersing oneself regularly in different cultures or socio-cultural environments.
Improve Your Intellect
– Mental agility :
Mental agility comes from the ability to link together scattered ideas. Constantly confronting yourself with new ideas helps you gain mental agility. Nothing does this better than regular reading.
– Ability to think clearly :
Thinking more accurately or clearly can be achieved through the habit of writing. By writing, we confront our thoughts and try to find coherence and logic in them.
Improving Your Soul
– Have serene thoughts:
Serenity is the basis of a spiritual approach (which in a nutshell can be summed up as the search for truth). If you want to gain serenity and clarity of mind, meditation can help.
– Connecting with God:
Regular prayer, or offering your actions to the divine, helps you connect with God.
Improve your body
There’s no secret in this area – you probably already know what activities can develop your body. However, I would recommend two in particular:
– Martial arts to develop strength, agility, flexibility and willpower.
– Dance helps to develop gestural coordination and stimulates areas of the brain that are unusually stimulated.
The body isn’t just strength, muscle and flexibility; it’s also, and above all, a cardiovascular and digestive system. To improve the cardiovascular system, endurance sports (cycling, running, Polynesian canoeing, etc.) and sauna sessions are a good way to go. A mainly (or totally) vegetarian, fiber-rich diet and occasional fasting can help maintain good intestinal flora.