Family is the place of transmission par excellence. There are many different forms, however, are all these bequests good to receive?
Heritage, whether cultural or material, is the very essence of the notion of family. Can we deliberately choose not to accept a bequest that has been imposed on us?
Should we inherit the sufferings of the past without compromising our relationship with those whose blood we share?
This question is difficult to answer since we control only a part of what we are, but almost all of what we become.
When someone decides to take flight, they often choose to give up a burden that is too heavy to carry. We cannot adopt adherence to two contradictory narratives: two opposing beliefs cannot cohabitate serenely in our minds.
There are many ways of dealing with the hazards of life. We can rely on our community of origin to find moral or emotional support. This also involves exposing oneself to value judgements, and the limiting beliefs they cultivate. At the other extreme, we can also choose to face the obstacles on our path alone. This is a difficult choice since it involves the suffering of encountering loneliness. Solitude is not bad in itself:, it is self-learning. It is the first and essential friendship to be happy. It is the friendship that one can keep throughout one’s life, if one knows how to take care of it.
When we explore new paths, far from those taken by our own, we can distance ourselves from the beliefs and sufferings that wish to transfer to us. In order to make this transition effectively, you must be able to replace these old beliefs with new ones that become new guides for your life.
Once you have made your home elsewhere, you will be able to return to your home of the past: the limiting beliefs will no longer affect you. You must never completely disconnect with your family, you must have some kind of bond whether it is close or far away. For example, you may try to live by certain principles that were instilled in you as a child or you may try to honour your family by performing a particular ritual. Your family and your childhood are part of who you are, and if you cannot assimilate them at least partly into your identity, you will suffer for the rest of your life. The hardest thing sometimes is to make sense of what you have been through. Our experiences, however painful they may be, can be used as a springboard to create a better self, the hardest part being to find the angle of interpretation of those circumstances.
If you have limiting beliefs that you do not wish to adhere to, it is up to you to change that. Family upbringing is rarely perfect. You have to be able to sort the wheat from the chaff. One effective way to make this change is distancing. If you no longer expose yourself to the influences of those around you, you will be able to see more clearly and finally choose what you want to adhere to and what you no longer wish to believe.
Childhood can be a golden time, but it can also be a time you wish to forget. Know what kind of person you want to become. Find other heroes or role models elsewhere , if they are not in your family environment. Be true to your own beliefs, honour your loved ones in your own way, but don’t let tribalism based on harmful values spoil your life.