You’ve probably heard the saying “Give someone power and you’ll know their vices”. This phrase reflects the idea that power, whether it comes in the form of money or fame, has the ability to somehow magnify both our qualities and our flaws. If you are an unfair person, your poverty will have the advantage of “curbing” your unfair behaviors because they have less opportunity to express themselves. On the other hand, if you suddenly win the lottery, you will be able to give free rein to your unjust temperament. Your sudden enrichment will have given you leverage over your qualities and defects. It is thus not uncommon to no longer recognize someone who has recently become successful. His lack of power made his flaws latent, so they went under the radar. Once success is achieved, his or her flaws resurface like methane gas escaping from permafrost exposed to the sun for too long.
Based on this idea, there is a corollary that you can use to get to know the people you know better. You could use this tip with people you are meeting for the first time to “test” them out.
Act and speak with humility
Humility is a quality that is appreciated by the noble hearted. People who lack virtue will tend to despise humility because they associate it with weakness. Their vile hearts would not be able to see that humility is the awareness of the existence of entities greater than ourselves or simply the mark of a deep respect for oneself and one’s interlocutors. People who lack nobility of heart “fall easily into the trap”. Their haughty and irreverent attitude when confronted with humble people might just help you sort the wheat from the chaff among the people you meet.
Don’t be afraid to present yourself in a humble manner when necessary and when you need to probe someone’s heart. You could “communicate” this humility in different ways. You could dress in a sober manner that does not obviously reflect your social status. You could speak in a certain way or have body language that evokes a form of simplicity. The key is to be sincere, because feigned humility is no more.
Tip #2: People communicate their love the way they would like to be loved
Ever realize that those who are prone to admire others, whether it’s a singing star or a popular friend, are themselves looking for that reverence? Those who are easily impressed or easily admire others will often crave admiration in turn. This rule applies to all ways of communicating love for others. So, by observing how those around you communicate their love, you can adapt your way of communicating without giving in to a form of manipulation. You can adapt your communication and remain honest at the same time. Let’s look at the 5 ways to communicate your love for others. These ideas are taken from the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.
Words of affirmation
Some people are more sensitive than others to what they hear. If you notice that a person tends to compliment or encourage others easily, it probably means that he or she is paying attention to what is being said. In this case, you could adapt your communication by doing active listening (which is an integral part of communication), verbally showing affection, giving sincere compliments. Words of affirmation can and should even be expressed in writing. Sending messages of congratulations or thanks is perfectly suited to this type of communication. What should be avoided are critical messages or lack of recognition and appreciation in your words.
Touch is a sense that has different connotations in different cultures. When in doubt, it is best to use touch only with your partner. Touch can take the form of a hug, a pat on the shoulder, a caress, a handshake, anything that shows affection in a tactile way. The things to avoid will be neglecting touch, appearing cold, or lacking responsiveness to touch in general.
Acts of service
This consists of lightening the person’s workload. Anything that gives a helping hand is welcome and greatly appreciated.
Quality of time
Giving of your time and your full presence in intimate conversations is what fits this category. You could create special moments to materialize this dimension.
Some people feel the need to give and receive gifts to feel valued. This may be related to their upbringing or culture. Be careful not to neglect this aspect even if it seems superficial or materialistic. For some people it is very important and it is a matter of self-esteem. Gifts don’t have to be expensive, it’s the gesture that counts as they say.
An important part of knowing others comes from your ability to observe. Don’t forget, however, that the other half of this apprehension of others comes from your ability to know yourself. You are your own laboratory of the world. Humans are made in such a way that we are all driven more or less by the same desires, but it is our education, our choices and our discipline that create differences between people. So if you have mastered your introspection, you will be better able to feel and probe the people around you.