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Should we be nice or rough?

gentillesse ou dureté

What is hardness? Should it be embodied in everyday life?

We are taught to be kind to others, to be polite, that is to say, to polish off our rough edges that could be sharp and hurt others.

However, life is full of annoyances and individuals who do not necessarily want good things for us.

Should we be kind, should we show our fangs every now and then?

What does it mean to be nice? Is it to be kind, generous, magnanimous or naive?

Why is it sometimes a despised value?

Kindness is a quality that is amplified and valued when it is associated with the ability to defend oneself, that is, to be threatening. If you can only be kind indiscriminately, it will be interpreted as a weakness that could be exploited by malicious people.

There are three ways to educate: by example, by reward and by threat.

The first and most basic way is not by threat or fear of retaliation. This approach is basic because it is the one most often used for people who have not understood the benefits of education, for example, for unruly students.

Reward motivation is the second level. The pupil may not necessarily have integrated the value of the teaching, but he or she values the consequent benefits, e.g. being polite leads to social acceptance.

The highest way is by example. You do not threaten or reward. In doing so, you attract only the most observant, subtle and sensitive students.

The problem is that by just being kind, you will not be able to get the message across to the less sensitive ones, they may harm you out of ignorance and they may also decide to undermine your energy.

The street is sometimes the law of the jungle, it only includes force or threat. If you are dealing with devious individuals, you need to be able to speak their language and show them the limits you must not exceed.

It’s not something that’s obvious, especially if you grew up in an environment that has policed you and repressed every ounce of aggression in you.

Some environments teach by example, others by reward.

Learn to communicate in different ways depending on the audience you are speaking to. Put yourself in the shoes of your audience, who may not understand kindness. Be able to put yourself in the shoes of the people you meet. The more you understand them, the better you will be able to communicate with them.

So kindness is just one arsenal among others for communication. Don’t limit yourself to it at the risk of not being understood or respected.

Nevertheless, everyone adopts a form of communication specific to his community, it is one of the levers of tribalism. However, you will not always interact with your social group of origin. Learn to communicate with other groups according to the means of their community.

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