Happiness in one’s life often comes from the quality of the people around us. The problem is that we sometimes get caught up in a fog and confusion that prevents us from being discerning. Let’s look at some principles to apply to allow the people who matter to remain present, despite the difficulties inherent in any relationship.
The need to prioritize people
Time and energy are two limited resources, which is why they must be used wisely, especially when we decide to spend them on relationships. It is obvious to give the most time to the people who really matter and to spend the remaining time with other people, if there is any left. Work can be an important distraction. Sometimes you can’t tear yourself away from your screen to check your e-mails. It is therefore essential to prioritize both the people who matter and the activities. A job is of course important, but it is good to subordinate it to your family life. A family emergency should not compete with a work emergency.
Knowing how to meet their expectations
The friends you surround yourself with have expectations that should be met. It is not always easy to meet them. It is nevertheless appropriate to make the effort, even if it is done in an awkward way and the results are not quite there. People value efforts, no matter how clumsy they are, and in the long run they will become less and less clumsy. What matters is to try first.
Sharing the same passions
The foundation of a relationship, whether friendly or intimate, is sometimes the sharing of common activities. Liking the same things helps to create a bond. Again, this can be a matter of effort. Sometimes you don’t want to do something because you just haven’t tried it. As you make the effort to share a passion, you learn more about someone. To begin to understand someone is to begin to appreciate them.
A relationship is based on communication. When this communication is lacking, a gap gradually widens. To improve communication, you often have to learn to be quiet and listen. If you don’t give the other person enough time to formulate their ideas, you will never know how to improve the situation.
All relationships have obstacles to overcome. Temporary disturbances exist and are sometimes even necessary to make you aware of something. Differences in perception of reality can create confusion and frustration. These negative emotions are obstacles that need to be recognized as such in order to overcome them.
Accepting to be alone you take stock
Solitude is never bad, it often serves as a means of self-improvement. If you manage to sublimate yourself in solitude, you acquire the ability to attract luminous beings. It is through a lack of work on oneself and on one’s inner world that one repeats the same cycles. In order to change your environment, to find people of value who are part of your life, you must first transform yourself. The people we meet are often a reflection of who we are, and sometimes we can start to become like the people we meet. There is no evolution without involution. There is no harmony with friends and family without initial or preliminary inner work.
Do not be toxic
Just as we wish to be surrounded by good people, it is good to ask ourselves if we are also good for those around us. Ensuring that we maintain benevolence and a certain purity in our intentions (which translates into an absence of selfishness) ensures that we make a positive contribution to those we are close to.
Without humility, there is no progress. Being humble means acknowledging mistakes, not assuming we are always right, seeing others as equals and worthy of respect. In short, humility is necessary in any healthy relationship. There are a thousand ways to develop it, the first of which is to simply put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Empathy is an incredible quality for connecting with people. Being humble means putting aside your ego to feel the other person. Life teaches us humility in many ways: through the reminder of death, contact with nature, the lives of people who have gone before us. Reading often develops our emotional intelligence.
Let them know they are important to you
The people we appreciate are like us. They need a mark of attention in order to know that they are precious to us. There are 5 ways to communicate your esteem according to Gary Chapman’s book: quality time, service, gifts, touch, words of encouragement. It is up to you to find out which language best suits your friend. It may take a few tries to find the most appropriate mode of expression.
You need to make sure that you keep the people you value close to you. There are several ways to do this:
- Prioritize the people who matter most
- Meet expectations once they are identified
- Try to share the same passions
- Improve your listening skills
- Overcome obstacles when the arise
- Cultivate a form of solitude to gain clarity
- Improve yourself so that you are not toxic to others
- Develop humility
- Communicate in the best possible way with people we value