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Today’s rambling thoughts on male-female relationships

relations hommes-femmes

Do women always seek out alphas?

A simple answer to this question would be “yes”.

However, one would have to argue that the concept of Apha masculinity has changed even though the notion of security that it underlies remains the same.

Where does this concept come from?

Alpha is the first letter of the Greek alphabet and it indicates a certain hierarchy of males in a defined group, alpha being what we would call “dominant” as opposed to the other males (beta etc.). This classification is directly based on the observation of apes and the conclusions drawn by scientists who have studied gorillas. The latter are structured around a dominant male who reigns supreme and exercises his power over a harem of female gorillas with whom he has the exclusive right to copulate. Beyond these females, there are young males who cannot reproduce with the females, as they are subjugated under the authority of the alpha male. Some of them nevertheless maintain the desire to take his place.

This configuration between individuals of the group differs significantly when we look at other species of monkeys. Thus, chimpanzees and bonobos have structures that do not follow the logic of the alpha male. One being organized around couples and the other being rather matriarchal in nature.

Why then follow the logic of the alpha male?

If man is genetically closer to the chimpanzee, why would he want to be closer to the gorilla and its social structure?

The alpha male is the one who ensures the security of the group, he is the one who hunts potential predators and organizes the territory. In short, he maintains security. If human structures differ greatly, they are nevertheless similar on the question of the distribution of wealth. Pareto’s law applies in many cases. We are indeed more in this logic of “winners takes all”.

Wealth is the main provider of security for humans. Therefore, we can understand why the logic of the alpha male can be a metaphor for the king or the rich person who enjoys a status that allows him to provide security to many people.


If security is an important element in a man’s attractiveness, it can take many forms (material, emotional etc.)

The traditional alpha male

He is respected and imposes his will on others. He meets the needs for material and physical security.

The alpha male of the future

He ensures material and physical protection while providing emotional understanding and finally has the ability to meet all the needs of Maslow’s pyramid.

Improving male-female communication

Reasons that explain the difficulty of communication between men and women

A hierarchy of values that may be different

What is valued in an individual differs significantly depending on whether one is a woman or a man. In spite of the advances made by progressive forces, there are important differences in nature that lead to a different hierarchy of priorities. A woman is conditioned by the search for stability in a partner most often because she is the one who carries the child. A man who is not subject to the same constraint will give less importance to this aspect, nevertheless, he will seek more material success in that it is synonymous with stability and protection for an offspring (and thus increases his chances of success with the female gender).

The man must bring security in return for which he will seek fertility in the woman which takes several aspects, beauty is one of them. This requirement of fertility pushes women to want to increase their beauty capital.

Aparté: To what extent is the woman shaped by the gaze of men?

If there is one thing that is striking when one looks at the southern and northern shores of the Mediterranean, it is undoubtedly the relationship to women’s clothing. For various reasons, women have adopted a way of dressing that differs significantly from one another. If in some places, we notice the weight of tradition or religion which can fall on them like a leaden screed, for others it is well the necessary sexualization or at least eroticization of the body which is imposed to them.

The woman who unfortunately did not always have the possibility of moving freely in the public space. She is besides still today summoned to have a particular reason to be there contrary to the man. Indeed, it seems less suspicious that he strolls or that he is idle in the public space. The man appropriated the urban space and it is undoubtedly for that that he imposes to the woman his codes or his conditions.

The sexualization of women’s clothing that can be found everywhere should make us wonder about its role and the place that women occupy in public space. If most of the societies proscribe an objetization of the women’s body, this phenomenon still remains visible in some parts of the world. The woman-object responds to the male desire to control the angle from which she can express herself.

The sexualization of clothing responds, in my opinion, to a form of submission of the woman to the desires of men as soon as she is in the public space. Insofar as this space is still considered for some as a place of male essence, women lose the freedom to dress that they had at home.

To present oneself as an object of sexual desire is in itself a way of belittling the woman if not at least of reducing her person to a superficial element.

Women and the weight of men’s gaze

A society which imposes to its women the sexualization of their body makes them impotent and does not allow them to emancipate themselves from the patriarchy which characterizes all the countries. In such a situation, a woman is only considered when she has satisfied the expectations of the male gender by a style of dress that translates a submission to the order.

Women and their relationship to work

Since women were traditionally excluded from the labor market (apart from domestic work), they systematically found themselves under the orders of a man when the labor market was first opened to women.

The woman, being the one who is by nature closer to the children, will have a preponderant social role in their education.

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