We all realize that life as a couple is not always a panacea. In the past, marriages were strong because they were primarily intended to ensure the security of the spouses and their respective families (parents, etc.). In addition, they provided a place in society that was primarily shaped by family values. The inability to find a spouse and start a family could be a source of banishment or at least a mark of loss of status. Today, we see that the pillars of the traditional couple have broken down. People do not enter into a relationship in search of security or status, but rather to satisfy a need for fulfillment. This can be the drama. A need for fulfillment is much more demanding than a satisfaction of our needs for security or belonging.
The material and social security that most people enjoy is a double-edged sword: they become more demanding about what they want from their relationship. This pushes them not to settle down in a relationship that only satisfies them moderately as it has been for a long time. On the other hand, this quest for personal fulfillment makes today’s happy couples more so than those of yesterday.
The burden that rests on each of the spouses is therefore enormous: they must allow their partner to realize the ultimate meaning of their life. In the past, this search was in a way externalized since it was the role of religions. Fulfillment was often achieved through a search for transcendence and its intermediation by the clergy. Of course the spouse could also exert a peer pressure in this domain but it was not the primary goal of marriage.
The single life being today more socially acceptable and even sometimes advocated, we understand well that the life of couple must really be a catalyst of our potentialities, at least, it is what we expect from it. Thus, at the slightest inconvenience, at the slightest annoyance, we start comparing our single life and the benefits it brings. This game of comparisons is not healthy if it is a way to escape from the problem that we encounter. The frustrations encountered are as many challenges to improve or change what is wrong. We simply have to ask ourselves if we are the catalyst of potentiality for our spouse. If not, we must correct this or draw the necessary conclusions. We must know how to be humble, a problem is never created on one side only, the couple necessarily implies interdependence, it also generates co-responsibility.
