Like it or not, we’re all part of a team. It can take the form of a wedding, a family, a company, a nation and so on. Without always having chosen it, we belong to a group whose interests we defend and which is supposed to bring us a certain level of benefits or advantages in return.
Having said that, sometimes we belong to a losing team, that is to say, it sets up the conditions for its own failure, and in the end we ourselves are in failure.
What should we do in such cases? Should we continue to swear loyalty to a team that ruins our efforts? Is there any loyalty whatsoever to a clan that dooms us to failure? Can we change our fate and join a winning team?
All these questions are complicated because the clan problem is part of our identity. Often, it is difficult to criticize it since it would be like criticizing ourselves. Unfortunately, it is often simpler to comply with the rules of a losing group than to try to reform it. This desire (for reform) alone can lead to exclusion from the group.
In order to be able to combat these pitfalls, one must first and foremost be flexible in one’s identity, or at least have the ability to define it in an evolutionary way. Without this, it will be impossible to make decisions out of fear of exclusion. When you know that there are problems, you have to try to change what is wrong with the group to which you belong. Of course, it is easier to do this when the group is relatively small (marriage, family, group of friends, etc.) and your decision-making power is high.
If you see that your efforts to change are unsuccessful, you should consider distancing yourself and gradually excluding yourself from this clan. There are two possibilities: either you stay on your own or you join another clan.
In the first case, loneliness is uncomfortable but it is often the first option at the beginning of your departure. Solitude will give you the advantage of time and energy to think about what kind of equivalent clan you want to join. If it’s a company for example, you will think about what you didn’t like about the past while looking for the characteristics that best suit you in the new company you want to join.
Very often, the separation is not easy because your life revolves around this clan. For example, in the case of a marriage, your involvement in this clan is such that you have to think about it a long time in advance to make a decision that will turn your life upside down.
In many cases, you will not be able to change your allegiance; sometimes it may simply be impossible for you to emigrate or to change your religion, with serious consequences. Changing clans usually requires great courage. If you know that you are part of a doomed team and that you cannot reform or leave it, there are three ways to react:
You can react in one of three ways:
You can look at it only as a matter of self-interest:
That is the preferred choice of those in this situation. Those, for example, who have been married for a long time will see more economic interest or think about the well-being of the children despite the dissatisfactions of the couple’s relationship.
Developing a philosophy that goes beyond the dualism of failure/success
You can get past the idea of winning or losing, losing or winning. Even if you know that you are part of a losing group that will lead you to a definite debacle, you can decide to fight with the weapons you are given according to the strategy you are ordered to follow, no matter how flawed they may be. You can simply decide to fight within that clan for honor, for panache, they have no connection to victory or defeat so those values are attractive in this situation.
Trying to succeed at your level even though you the group is losing.
You may decide to cultivate qualities even though your fate is a doomed one. Imagine working for a company that’s doomed to go bankrupt. You could choose to work there until it goes bankrupt while developing qualities that will be useful for your next job, you don’t have to leave the ship.
