The family is primarily built on ideas of commitment and loyalty. A society is an assembly of families; one could therefore say that it is nothing more than the outcome of millions of daily acts of commitment and loyalty. The crisis of today’s society could, in the end, stem from a crisis of commitment and loyalty. How can we find a way to continue producing social bonds, even civilization itself, in this context? And what if the rehabilitation of the family required a reappropriation of concepts that today seem, in some respects, outdated?
Decide to make love with only one person from now on
Everyone makes mistakes; nothing is more human. However, some choices are so decisive that they shape an entire life. These are what we call structuring choices: what you study, where you choose to live, and the person you decide to marry.
If you now decide—despite your past mistakes—to make love only with one person, you force yourself to consider dozens of factors before taking action. This means that this person can only be your future husband or wife, unless you plan never to marry or never to have sexual relations with your spouse, which seems unlikely.
In the perspective of marriage, you must therefore evaluate their values, morality, spirituality, what they can bring to you and what you can give them in return. If you build a family, you will also want to know if this person will be a good father or mother to your children. It is like going hunting with only one arrow in your quiver: you cannot shoot for pleasure, you must aim carefully, with discernment and conscience, so that you return with the “right game,” one that meets your needs and can sustain your family.
Not giving in to sexual promiscuity helps you save time and energy
Having multiple sexual relationships opens the door to many pitfalls. First, it increases the risk of being unjust to women (if you are a man), and of having children outside of a protective and engaging framework.
By choosing from now on to have only one partner, you free up energy for your work, your spirituality, and everything that helps you grow. To excel in any field requires full dedication; yet sexual promiscuity is nothing but a dangerous distraction, often the cause of failures and human misery.
Conditions you might establish
• This rule applies unless your spouse leaves you: you cannot force someone to stay (but this requires sincerity in your behavior and not acting in a way that would push them away).
• If you are in a relationship, the last person you can make love with must be your spouse.
• If you are single, the whole world is open to you — including, potentially, your exes.
A parallel with minimalism
This reflection on commitment and relationships echoes minimalism. Choosing to unite with only one person from now on could be seen as a form of relational minimalism, the counterpart of material minimalism.
However, the minimalism popularized today is often disconnected from frugality, which weakens its critical power.
Minimalism of objects for a maximalism of experiences
The prohibition of doing something can be as powerful as the obligation to do something.
Minimalism appears as a reaction to consumerism. Yet it remains a form of consumerism: not based on quantity and possession, but on quality and experience. In this sense, it is not truly countercultural but rather the habitus of a global elite, accustomed to living in several places, traveling, and accumulating extraordinary experiences.
From an ecological point of view, what distinguishes a room full of trinkets from someone who constantly travels by plane and dines in the best restaurants? Very little, since they are two sides of the same coin: product consumerism versus service consumerism.
Still, minimalism also has spiritual roots. For example, in Buddhism it stemmed from monks’ vows of poverty and monastic life, and was therefore genuinely anti-consumerist. Without frugality, modern minimalism is not an alternative to consumerism: it is simply its other face.
But minimalism remains a good habit for clarity of mind
One of minimalism’s greatest benefits is that it clears mental space. By forcing yourself to give up one object before acquiring another, you avoid temptation, simplify choices, and focus more on your work and relationships.
This reduction of consumerist impulses strengthens concentration and creativity. Consumerism links happiness to buying, but that is a dopaminergic happiness—short-lived, leading to endless dissatisfaction. True happiness is rooted in serotonin, whose effects are lasting, and which comes from:
• exposure to natural light
• physical activity
• a diet rich in tryptophan (eggs, cheese, nuts, bananas, dark chocolate, pumpkin seeds, soy, fatty fish)
• relaxation, meditation, and breathing
• social relationships and gratitude
• music, art, and creative activities
• regular and restorative sleep
Another advantage of minimalism
Minimalism fosters gratitude, as it constantly reminds us of what we already own. Since every new purchase must be weighed against what we already have, we naturally appreciate our possessions more.
Focusing on what we have, rather than on what is missing, cultivates satisfaction and serenity. And that is one of the great secrets of happiness.
