To resolve 80% of relational conflicts, tell yourself that the problem comes from you
It is easy to blame others when you find yourself in a relational conflict. You may be right, but that deprives you of your sense of control.
Start from the principle that you are responsible for everything, even if that is not the case.
Two approaches seem healthy to me: one is to take responsibility for everything, the other is to see God’s will in everything. These two approaches are in no way contradictory; they are even complementary. When you take on the misfortune of a relationship, you focus on your own efforts to improve yourself.
Responsibility is a source of power
Have you noticed the powerlessness that characterizes people who have gotten into the habit of blaming others? Certain political currents have made this their business model and have succeeded in convincing an entire segment of the population that it was the truth.
Pride is the first poison of relationships
The ego is, in a way, the representation we have of ourselves. Yet this image is false, and the people who know us see the gap between our essence and that representation. Because of this desire to act as we think we are, we create tension around ourselves, since this attitude is necessarily one of lies. To improve one’s relationship with others, it is enough to show authenticity in order to discern the person one sees clearly in the mirror.
Injustice exists, and that is what makes your success all the greater
Just as there is no triumph without glory, there is no true success without obstacles; and the greater the obstacle, the greater the merit.
Compare yourself materially to people poorer than you, and spiritually to people superior to you
People are unhappy because they compare themselves in the wrong things. To progress in life on the path to happiness, one must above all devote one’s efforts to the right things. Material goods and status, although important, are not necessary for true happiness. That is why it is necessary to develop material gratitude by comparing oneself to those who have less than we do. When you realize that you are not the worst off in terms of status and money, for example, you can focus on what is essential: drawing closer to the truth by raising your level of understanding of the world.
The keys to happiness are in your hands, but it is up to you to use them
Today more than at any other time, we have access in a few clicks to all the wisdom of the world. The irony is that few of us truly seize this chance to progress on the level of consciousness. We are bombarded with temptations of all kinds that distract us on the spiritual path.
To be happy, one must resolutely turn toward simplicity
What we are made to believe is that we must constantly add things in order to be happy, whereas the opposite is actually true.
“One sees clearly only with the heart. What is essential is invisible to the eye.” — Saint-Exupéry
All the distractions of the mind and the senses make us forget that truth can only be observed with the heart; everything else is mere ornamentation. Yet we are taught to forget how to see with the heart, which is why so many people seem lost in their lives.
Relearning to see with the heart
The heart is the symbolic seat of the soul. To educate one’s heart is to educate one’s soul. Society gives little place to the soul, yet it is the very essence of what we are. It is what will follow us into the afterlife; it is the part of what we are that is eternal and, one might say, without physical limit. You are your soul, but you have forgotten it.
You owe what you do
To think of the world with fatalism, arguing that nothing and no one can be changed, is dangerous. It can only lead us into even more negative spirals. Deep change is possible, but it is accessible only to a minority. Taking full responsibility for one’s situation is a preliminary reason for change. This is the founding paradox: in order to change, one must accept what is.
Work on your identity
There is something we do not see and yet which conditions everything: your own identity, that is, the way you imagine and represent yourself. You could hoist all the sails you like, but if your identity acts as an invisible anchor, you will not get far. To progress, you must repair your identity, but of course, this does not happen overnight. First, you must distance yourself from the people who bring you back to that negative identity you wish to shed. This does not necessarily mean you will never see these people again; it is simply a way of protecting yourself while you build a new identity strong enough to combat the old one. Then you must reflect on the new identity you wish to build. What will it be made of? What will you do? How and where will you live? Here too, it does not happen overnight, but it is important to devote time each day to this new construction.
Elements of a new identity
If you do not choose your identity, someone will choose it for you.
Here is a non-exhaustive list of elements that may be part of your new identity.
Reading
The foundation of a new identity requires gathering ideas in order to consider all possibilities. Without this raw material that is the idea, it will be difficult for you to reinvent yourself. While there are thousands of ways to collect ideas, reading remains one of the privileged means. First of all, reading is not a means like any other, because it takes particular mental qualities to be able to sit for dozens of minutes in front of a book. The new generation is mostly incapable of doing so. The mere fact that you can concentrate without distraction for more than twenty minutes already makes you part of a minority of the population. Moreover, a book is not a video or a podcast. Every word has been weighed, read and reread before being published; it is in itself the quintessence of someone’s thought. Listening to someone speak for an hour will rarely be worth an hour of reading a book by that same person: it is the same difference that exists between honey and royal jelly. One feeds the workers, the other feeds the queen and the future of the hive (its larvae).
Structure these ideas
Once these ideas have been collected, they must be structured and given meaning in your mind. They must be able to become tools to serve you, and not merely images to contemplate.
Follow the path of illustrious predecessors
At first, there are not thirty-six ways to succeed: it is enough to follow in the footsteps of someone who has achieved the results you are seeking. Of course, after a certain distance, you will need to follow your own path.
The world of tomorrow is uncertain
The desolation of youth is not a new phenomenon; however, our generation may witness something unprecedented: a global uprising of youth in every corner of the world, which will have lost its reason for being and which will express its discontent by every means. People have lost the family structure that could give meaning to their lives. They feel they will not manage to climb the social ladder because career opportunities seem blocked. And what does an animal caught in a trap do? It attacks.
Make movement and agility your way of life
Since change and uncertainty seem to be the norm, we should build a way of life that integrates these two values. In physics, there are two forms of equilibrium: one is static, the other dynamic. We have been accustomed to the first, whereas we must now seek the second. If equilibrium is important to human life, it may not take the form it has taken until now. If you do not know what dynamic equilibrium is, think of a bicycle moving in a straight line while the pedals turn constantly. A bicycle cannot stay upright on the road without speed, unless it has a kickstand — and then we fall back into static equilibrium. Its balance — and its practical usefulness — comes from movement.
How to apply this concept
If the generation of those often pejoratively called baby boomers, up to Generation X and the beginning of Generation Y (the end of Generation Y being, so to speak, a generation between two worlds), was able to enjoy the paradigm of static equilibrium, mainly through relatively easy access to home ownership and job stability, Generations Z and Alpha (and the end of Generation Y) must live according to the principle of dynamic equilibrium: nomadism (instability of residence) and professional opportunism (job instability).
Nomadism vs. settled life
The world in which you will live your whole life in the same house is long gone. The same is true for those who aspire to live in the same city or the same country. The new norm will be to live in the place that suits us best at a given moment. With housing having become an overpriced commodity, inaccessible to younger generations, what will happen is that you will treat housing as a service rather than a possession.
Loyalty vs. opportunism
What characterized previous generations is that, in a way, their loyalty was rewarded. Older people were both better paid and often more respected. In a society that values efficiency, loyalty loses, so to speak, all meaning, because it would be stupid, or even simply dangerous, to swear loyalty to a boss who can fire you overnight on the pretext that you are not performing at a given moment, even though you helped him reach new levels in the past. Opportunism — giving oneself to the highest bidder — tends to replace the traditional idea of loyalty in the workplace.
