Our childhood is often the place where a conditional love relationship is established between the child and the parent. In this configuration, the child receives love only if he or she behaves in a certain way according to the criteria of the parent in question. Since the child is fragile and vulnerable, he or she does not have a choice whether or not to play this game; his or her material and emotional survival depends on it. From then on, the child falls into the spiral of seduction: to be loved, he or she must please again and again.
The child is probably not aware of it, but if he keeps this attitude, he will be a slave to the gaze of others all his life. If he does not question the paradigm of seduction, his whole life will depend on the judgment of others. His happiness will be conditioned to the goodwill of the people around him.
Having lacked attention and love when we were young makes us more vulnerable to the adult world. However, sooner or later we will have to get rid of this tendency to want to please others at the risk of being dissatisfied all our life. Essentially, to be happy, you must satisfy your own desires. You have to be selfish and make rational decisions and avoid bringing too much emotion into play. Emotion can be bad in that it forces you to make decisions quickly and rarely is it the right thing to do.
Your parents may have chosen to have a child because they had big plans for you, but the fact remains that your life is your own and you should not let others decide what is right for you.
Soon you will realize that no matter what you try to do, people will never be satisfied. You will be unhappy and the person you are trying to please will also be disappointed. So it’s not a good bet to gamble on other people’s happiness by trying to please them.
If you can be happy on your own, there is a much better chance that others around you will become happy. Happiness and unhappiness are communicative.
There is an arena where seduction can play an important role. It is your workplace. Some people shine with their skills and others work hard to make themselves look good to everyone, starting with the people in power in the company. This can be a winning strategy. People with high levels of extra-personal intelligence tend to move up the corporate ladder more quickly. However, basing a career solely on your ability to please exposes you to various dangers in the event of a change in management, for example, which will place greater emphasis on tangible results.
If you want to gain influence, whether in the workplace or elsewhere, there are 5 other powerful levers besides likeability to achieve your goals. According to Robert Cialdini, in his book “Influence and Manipulation”, he states that authority, reciprocity, commitment/consistency, scarcity and social proof can work in your favor. Here are some ideas you can put into practice to improve your influence in your personal and/or professional life:
– authority: acquire degrees from prestigious universities or schools. Get titles: doctor, master etc.
– social proof: improve the quality of your friends and this will have a snowball effect on the type of people you can meet later on
– rarity: get rare skills. Have an asset that few people have to make you stand out.
– reciprocity: make a habit of having an attitude towards others that reflects the one you would like to receive from them
– Commitment / consistency: try to get small commitments from people you like so that they will commit to bigger things later.
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