Why Are People Jerks?

People usually become jerks because they were victims of abuse when they were young and never managed to recover from it. Of course, being a victim is not an excuse: everyone can do some inner work to free themselves from their traumas. Still, it is always premature to judge someone without making at least a small effort to put yourself in their shoes.

Jerks Give You The Chance To Show Empathy

It is easy to be nice to nice people. The law of reciprocity naturally pushes us in that direction. What is harder is showing empathy toward people who seemingly do not deserve it — going against that same law. That is the real challenge.

It is like riding a bike: downhill, the effort is almost nonexistent; uphill, it is significant. Yet it is the climb that makes us stronger, not the descent. In the same way, progress requires effort. When you pedal, you build your heart and muscles; when you show kindness and patience toward difficult people, you strengthen your willpower, your heart, your soul, and often even your intelligence.

In this sense, jerks are an excellent opportunity to build character. Because they represent obstacles — friction —, they are an endless source of growth… just like stupidity itself, which is endless.

Infinite Patience Brings Instant Results

To grow, you must accept a certain dose of stress. Stress is simply the body’s reaction to pressure — physical, intellectual, emotional, or spiritual. Too much stress is harmful, but continuous, moderate stress is never bad.

From this perspective, relationships bring a healthy dose of stress: they generate constant friction, which gives you the chance to grow. Of course, everything is a matter of balance. I would not advise you to marry a jerk just to train your patience. There are already enough jerks in the world without inviting one into your bed.

You Are Always Someone’s Jerk

Seen differently, a jerk is simply someone with a lower level of awareness than you. At the very bottom of the scale, you would find the most psychologically troubled people; at the very top, figures like Buddha or Jesus.

If you are not at the very top yourself, then you are inevitably inferior to others. Accepting this brings humility. It also reminds you to grant others the same patience you wish to receive from those who surpass you.

Accept Your Share Of Foolishness To Reduce It

We always think that “jerks are the others,” when in reality, we are often the first jerk in our own lives. What defines jerk-like behavior is certainty — the inability to change even an inch.

Doubt is a powerful antidote to stupidity, but it must first be applied to oneself. If you never doubt, maybe you are already a big jerk. Having the humility to ask yourself daily, “What if I’m the jerk?” is probably the best way to avoid becoming one… or becoming one again.

Avoid Jerks

You shouldn’t live in isolation, but you do need a place to recharge. Jerks are draining, and it’s common to feel contaminated by their negativity, as if they suck away your energy.

To avoid this, learn to spot them early and minimize your time with them. As a rule: better solitude than stupidity.