Do People Like You More For Your Flaws Than Your Qualities?

A flaw is an asperity, that is to say, something that gives both depth and a possibility to hold on to. In a word, it gives contentment. It is also what makes us particularly human. A flaw can sometimes contain a quality, but the reverse is always true. Do people love us more for our defects than for our qualities?

The Strength Of The Flaw

Showing one’s flaws is a proof of authenticity, it is to be able to expose oneself in a way. It is to be able to look at people without a mask and it is above all for that that we are appreciated: people can see clearly the nature of what they contemplate.

Choosing Your Faults

We often think about our qualities but we don’t want to have the mirror image of them, that is to say the corresponding defects. However, it is compulsory, one cannot acquire a quality without developing a consequent defect. It is the will to be without defects that forces us to not develop any quality. However, by choosing our defects carefully, we can develop great qualities. Here is an example of quality – defect pairs you can choose:

studious – boring: you cannot become a model student without developing a form of boredom in return. Because studying requires concentration and discipline, you will necessarily be routine and not prone to distraction. Yet, it is the ability to entertain (and be entertained) that makes one exhilarating.

Fast – light: a strong plane is not fast and a fast plane is not strong. The same goes for the body. An MMA fighter needs to think deeply about his strength to speed ratio in order to become a formidable weapon. A gain in muscle mass will be at the expense of speed of movement and percussion.

Sensitivity (emotional intelligence) – fragility: you cannot be a warrior and a poet at the same time. The few works written by warriors were sorely lacking in poetry – Miyamoto Musadji’s Five Rings for example -. This does not mean that they were not wise. To have to resist aggression, one must become insensitive. On the other hand, to be able to describe the world around us through poetry, one has to take off one’s shell, to lay oneself bare, which implies being more fragile and less willing to fight.

Explorer – superficiality: if you like to travel everywhere and everyone, you will not be able to deepen the language and knowledge of the cultures you meet. Quantity is the opposite of quality. To know a country and its culture well, you need to settle down for a while to take the time to deepen all its aspects.

Bon vivant – surface spirituality: if you love good food and are a bit of a glutton, it will be difficult for you to develop your spiritual dimension. Spirituality implies a withdrawal, a solitude and a certain bodily emptiness to allow time for the spirit to fill itself.

Love Yourself First, Love From Others Will Come Later

When we are young, we tend to want to be loved by everyone at all costs, but this leads us to not have a solid base regarding our identity. We can’t please everyone, to please everyone is to hate ourselves. Building character takes time. It involves learning to dislike certain people, just as developing qualities involves having flaws. Beyond that, it is essential to choose to like yourself first because you are the person you spend the most time with.

It is paradoxically when we take the risk of displeasing by affirming what we are that we can best attract the sympathy of people.

Show Your Faults, Hide Your Qualities

We tend to want to show ourselves in the best light. This is not necessarily the best way to sort out the people you meet. Most people will be disappointed sooner or later. On the other hand, if you show your flaws from the very first moment, people who can’t stand them will leave and those who are more patient will learn to discover the qualities you contain. Of course the first impression is very important in many occasions (professional interviews etc.), so use this recommendation sparingly, mainly to make friends, I would say.